Amazing new weight-loss drug

Oh good, a new weight-loss drug has been approved by the FDA.

Belviq’s “proven results” include:

– Losing an average of 3% of your body weight in the first year (so I’d guess 5-10lbs for most people who might take it)
– About 44% of people in each study dropping out before the first year was over
– And for those who stayed on for Year 2, regaining the weight you lost

Of course the study doesn’t go past two years, just like every other weight-loss study, because when they do it shows that *every.body.regains.all.of.the.weight*.

And, in case you didn’t already feel like you were completely wasting your time/health/money, you can also enjoy the common side effects like headache, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, dry mouth, and constipation (hey, at least it isn’t anal leakage!), or the less common, but more serious, side effects of valvular heart disease, changes in attention or memory, mental problems (including hallucinations), depression, thoughts of suicide, low blood sugar, painful erections, slow heartbeat, decrease in blood cell count (red and white), and an increase in prolactin (so you may lactate).



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